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So, I'm realizing a few things. I used to be a really free spirit in high school -- dressing very avante garde, enjoying foreign films, music from the import bin, that sort of thing. But I did these things on impulse, following some inner inklings. I wasn't choosing a particular look or persona or anything. And even though I see my hipness and brilliance in retrospect, at the time I didn't know I was cool. I thought I was an oddball.
When I started dating TEO, he used this as a hammer to beat me with. I gave up everything that made me interesting, different and fun to be around because I allowed him to make me feel embarrassed by these things instead of proud of them.
Then, I went to an art college where I started to revert back to myself. But then this happened. I don't know, I guess I've second-guessed myself ever since. Now, whenever my free spirit impulses butt up against the status quo, I get very anxious. Now I get pills for that, too. Hooray. MOTHERFUCKER TEO.
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But I'm getting better about choosing my free spirit. For instance, I've decided to get a variety of scarves while I grow out my hair. I'll throw one of those babies on when I want to get out of the house but my hair is a mess. Ubie loves her freedom.