Today’s Bad Music Thursday features a band called Blackhawk, and their 1976 hit song “Lonely Boy.” The Lyrics were written by Andrew Gold, who also wrote the Golden Girls theme song (“Thank You for Being a Friend) and Celine Dion & The Chipmunks "French Xmas Carol.” Could that be the real reason the French are angry with us? Here it is, in all its glory…

Lonely Boy

He was born on a summer day, 1951
And with the slap of a hand
He had landed as an only son
His mother and father said "what a lovely boy"
We'll teach him what we learned
Ah yes, just what we learned
We'll dress him up warmly and
We'll send him to school
It'll teach him how to fight
To be nobody's fool

Oh, oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy
(Yes, I can see where having loving parents who want the best for you can be something to complain about. Please, continue your sad story)

In the summer of '53 his mother
Brought him a sister
But she told him "we must attend to her needs"
"She's so much younger than you"
Well, he ran down the hall and he cried
Oh, how could his parents have lied
When they said he was an only son
He thought he was the only one

Oh, oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy
(THIS is his big fucking problem in life? That he wasn’t the center of the universe anymore? Oh, good God. Poor baby. Please, continue. Oh, I insist.)

[Instrumental Interlude]
(Obviously, the best part of the song, because he’s not whining. Yet.)

He left home on a winter day, 1969
And he hoped to find all the love
He had lost in that earlier time
Well, his sister grew up
And she married a man
He gave her a son
Ah yes, a lovely son
They dressed him up warmly
They sent him to school
It taught him how to fight
To be nobody's fool

Oh, oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy
Oh, what a lonely boy
(Oh, NO!!! Please tell us this horrible cycle isn’t going to continue! Please…I can’t take it! Too sad…)