I Am Too Bloated to Type. But I Have Advice for Atheists Today.

An overabundance of Easter goodness has left my stomach so distended, I am amazed I am able reach the keyboard.

Yes, Passover and Easter are once again behind us, ABC has shown their Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson classic, and people can abandon their Lenten promises and go back to being their rotten, nasty old selves.

It's no wonder that this annual religious micro-burst leaves atheists a bit crabby. I think I know why. Where's their party? It's easier for me not to feel left out when I read about a wonderful celebration like Diwali, because I've got my own party to look forward to in another few months. But what do atheists have to look forward to?

There are the winter and summer solstices, but those have a pagan feel. That's not any better. Civic celebrations, like the Fourth of July and President's Day are celebrated by everybody. I think atheists would feel better if they had a chance to encapsulate their happy feelings into a celebration.

It's not my job to come up with something, because I'm not an atheist. But as someone who adores celebratory events, I can make some suggestions. You have to include something for the kids. How about celebrating evolution, and you could feature dinosaurs and fossils? Kids love that stuff. You could all make a pilgrimage to the local natural history museum.

Next, you need food. You could feature foods that would not be possible without the advent of scientific discoveries. Like ice cream. Everyone loves ice cream. You could do scientific experiments together as a family. And go to a science museum.

Another good theme is space exploration. A planetarium? Space food? Anti-gravity experiments? Rents some movies?

I'm serious here, atheists. You guys need to form some sort of planning committee and come up with a cool party. The rest of us have a few thousand years on you, so you better get crackin'. Good luck.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

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