NewsDay Tuesday: Local
Vacant House on Übermilf's Corner Rented by Meth Addicts

The house on the corner has been vacant since the elderly woman who owned it died during the big power outage in 2005. Mysteriously and without warning, someone moved into it on Saturday. Yet the for sale sign still stands; I know what that means: renters.

That's not necessarily a bad thing. I've known plenty of people who've rented and kept up a house beautifully. On the other hand, when Dilf and I lived in Wheaton, the renters across the street disassembled and reassembled a semi cab in the front yard and had wild parties with miscreants many nights of the week. Which sort of renter would we get this time?

(Really, would I be writing about them if they were normal?)

So, they spent all day Saturday moving in. We thought about walking over and introducing ourselves when it seemed they were finished moving in, but thought better of it. After all, moving is exhausting; we'd give them a chance to rest before intruding.

We grilled hamburgers and ate dinner outdoors. All was quiet. We popped some popcorn and watched a movie. All was quiet. We put the girls to bed when the movie ended around 9 p.m. All was quiet. Dilf and I went to bed at 11 p.m. or so. All was still quiet.

At roughly 1:30 a.m., I woke uncomfortably congested from my allergies and rose to take my allergy pill. I heard Younger cry in her sleep, so I peeked in to check on her. Moxie was standing guard over her on the bed, one foot on each side of her head and feet, respectively, glaring out Younger's open bedroom window.

"Crazy mutt!" I thought. "It was just a little cry." Then I heard car doors and voices outside. I went into my living room and looked out the window. The street was lined with cars. Sometime between 11 p.m. and 1:30 a.m., a wild party had broken out on the corner.

I took my allergy pill and lay down on the couch; it helps to sit up when I'm congested. I fell asleep on the couch, awoke at about 3 a.m., and headed back to bed. The party was still in full swing.

Through our open windows, their voices and laughter infiltrated my sleep. Dilf woke at 6 a.m. to find the party just wrapping up. After a long day of moving into a new house, they had partied all night long.

That doesn't happen without artificial help, people. I just hope they don't make it themselves in the basement.

Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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