Who is Twelve Pack, and What Does He Do Every Night?
At the risk of sounding like Mrs. Kravitz, I must admit I am intrigued by a man who rides his bicycle past my house every day.

I spy him through my window on (ostensibly) his way to work at approximately 6:30 a.m. every morning. He rides his bicycle through the park en route to Main Street. Where he goes from there, I do not know.

I DO know he returns on his bicycle every day at 6-ish, with a twelve pack of Miller Genuine Draft strapped to the back. I didn't know this, but there is a bicycle attachment specifically designed for this purchase called a Twelve Pack Carrier. It looks like this:

I'm sure you can use it for books or something as well. But Twelve Pack uses it for one purpose and one purpose only, as God intended.

Every day. He is undaunted. During a blizzard last year, and I am not making this up for dramatic purposes, I saw a red blinking light outside my window. Worried that Rudolph had crash-landed into the sidewalk, I strained to see what it was. It was Twelve Pack! Out in dangerous weather! Bicycling home with his twelve pack!

I know that Miller has recently changed advertisers; perhaps there is a new ad campaign possibility in this story? The man is very brand loyal.

The neighbors and I have begun speculating (well, most of us speculate; one guy wanted to roll him and steal his beer) as to whether or not there is a Mrs. Twelve Pack with whom he shares his daily beer bounty. Or does he drink a twelve pack by himself? I want to find out where he lives and walk past his house on garbage night to see if my theory is correct: I believe he has exactly two recycling bins, one filled with MGD cans and the other with DiGiorno pizza boxes.

It might be bad for his health, mitigated by his bicycle riding, but the man does have a small carbon footprint.

It may sound as if I am somehow judging or thinking ill of Mr. Twelve Pack, but I assure you, none of neighbors nor I (except for the potential violent beer thief) were jeering at or hating on the man. He is just a local curiosity. I am a snoop, but I'm not a mean snoop.

In other news, someone named Cornelius Rambottom is following me on Twitter. The remarkable thing is, that is his real name.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

So you want more huh?
Click here!

Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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