I am terrified of food because everything is deadly. Even formerly "healthy" stuff. It's not healthy! Oh, it's riddled with poisonous pesticides and rife with bacteria and/or viruses!

I wish I was as carefree as B.A. Look at him, peacefully eating his salad:



Tonight I will be serving salmon to my family, but from the moment I purchased it, to the time I took it out of the freezer to thaw, to right now, to when I will cook it, to when my family will be eating it, I was/will be thinking about the fact it is "farm-raised" salmon.

I am putting my family in jeopardy, aren't I? We're all going to die now.

The thing is, they had "wild-caught" salmon at the store, but it was $16.99 a pound.

Seventeen. Fucking. Dollars. A. Pound.

I also bought asparagus, and for the life of me, I can't remember if it's organic or not. But I can't bear to consider that right now. And don't even get me started on the baby potatoes.

But even the non-organic, non-optimally raised, yet still fresh food is damned expensive. And many economically-disadvantaged neighborhoods in cities don't even have actual grocery stores to sell the expensive food; they only have those small corner bodega-type stores that don't even have a freezer section.

In rural areas? Uh, what grocery store? What town? What job?

And that's why this woman is an idiot who should be forced to live like a real, actual poor person for awhile. Everything is so easy when... you have it so easy. Just ask Marie Antoinette.

Yes, I am blatantly stealing from Dr. Zaius, who already said this about her. Well, stealing is such a harsh word. It's really more of an homage.