Younger is headed to kindergarten next year, so her preschool is holding a "moving on" ceremony for her and her fellow four-year-old classmates. I wisely avoided volunteering to plan the festivities (although I'm bringing individual ice cream cups and lemonade; I'm not a total deadbeat!)

One of the key reasons I hid from this responsibility is that the planner was required to coordinate volunteers from two classes: the morning class, to which my daughter belongs, and the afternoon class. I have no idea who those clowns are.

The woman who wound up throwing herself under the bus has a daughter in the morning class, like me. While she put out a sign-up sheet for volunteers, only parents from the morning session signed up to help, despite the fact that the afternoon class was double the size of the morning one. Thinking that perhaps morning parents signed up because they could put a face to the name on the sheet, having met her at pick-up time, she showed up in person at afternoon pickup to drum up willing participants. She found the afternoon parents to be ... um, different.

My favorite conversation (as related by her) went like this:

Volunteer Lady: We still need volunteers and treats for the "Moving On" ceremony.

Bitchy Mom: I'll bring a treat. What should I bring?

Volunteer Lady: Well, no one's bringing cupcakes...

Bitchy Mom: (sneering) Really? I was thinking more along the lines of fresh fruit. I believe strongly that we should be setting a good nutritional example. I don't think cupcakes send the right message.

Volunteer Lady: Okay, bring fresh fruit, then.

Bitchy Mom: (appalled) Fresh fruit is expensive!

Witness the joys and satisfaction of lending your time.